reflections, 2024

We are into the year 2025. Time is moving fast. Or is it just life? I remember the time I was playing around in school, getting into college, and struggling with exams as if it was yesterday. I’m almost 24, living more than 1000 km away from home, alone, away from family, figuring out life. 2024 has been a mixed year for me.

Professionally, the year has been a boon. A lot of learnings, lucky milestones, and an amazing team and problem statement to work with always kept me looking forward to the next day at the office. I am grateful to have the opportunity to have fun while working. It is a privilege, to be honest. I took a big bet while joining an early-stage startup at the start of my career, even though I had the option to join an MNC, living a comfortable life. But I wanted to do more, learn more, and luckily found a group of like-minded, inspirational people who I could work with. That decision made me reflect and realize how correct it was for me to take this path.

I started building AI applications when there wasn’t even documentation on how to build these systems. Hit and trial, reading papers, and experimenting with POCs were how I developed some knowledge and a personal opinion on multi-agent systems. I was lucky to be working on problems that weren’t even being discussed in the open market. I don’t think I would have had such an experience elsewhere, and I learned a lot from it. Being a builder at heart, the hacky builds we shipped and how fast-paced and high-energy the whole environment was made me absolutely love my job. Just a bunch of young folks tinkering with new technology, going and winning hackathons, and having fun. This was work for me for the initial six months.

Apart from the dirty backend builds we kept archiving, I also shipped software to users. I learned how to build multi-tenant systems, deploy micro-services, write clean code (lol), and work on data cloud systems (Snowflake). A lot of times, the work was daunting because either I had never worked with a particular technology before, or I thought I would never be able to come up with a solution to the problem. I eventually learned to just say yes to problems irrespective of knowing the solution to them. Had to build up confidence telling myself that I have the aptitude and agency to solve problems. This is what I like doing and what I get paid for so I should just shut the fuck up and get to it. I always ended up finding the energy and excitement this way. Looking back, that is one thing that helped me be where I am right now, having a sufficiently successful and intellectually satisfying year.

Coming to health, last year had been a challenge. The first half of the year was me sporadically hitting the gym, just getting a few workouts in, but also not really paying attention to nutrition and consistency. I got 2-3 workouts in every week but could never develop significant muscle because of drinking, smoking, and a bad diet. I used to train for powerlifting in college and had decent lifts, but I felt the weakest this year, dropping to 40-50% of my max strength. The second half of the year was better as I got introduced to running and started running with community groups. I could run 4-5 km at a slow pace earlier, but I never thought of running as a workout I’d dedicate my time to. These communities were helpful, welcoming, and really intense at the same time. Running also gave me discipline and indirectly helped me be more consistent with my strength training as well. By the end of the year, I could get two runs and three strength sessions every week, and I considered it a win. I also had some personal setbacks during the year that made me go all in with workouts and work as they became a healthy distraction for me. I quit vaping, reduced smoking frequency to social occasions, and became a morning person, waking up at 5:30–6:30 a.m. every day. I still have a lot to achieve and have set a few health goals for the end of the year. To be really honest, it’s one of the few things that give me genuine happiness. Or maybe it’s just the constant dopamine rush I’m addicted to.

While I was able to reach some of my professional and health goals, I had a difficult time dealing with my personal life. I don’t really talk about it a lot and feel a bit heavy putting it into words, but I want to document in my reflections that life isn’t all rainbows and unicorns. It can also be a desert full of cactuses. I’m grateful for a lot of things that happened this year. I started life in a new city, got good people to share life with, reconnected with old friends, traveled abroad for the first time, and also saw myself grow as a person living independently. At the same time, everything went wrong as I lost my younger brother to an accident. I cried for months, felt a hollowness that still lingers and surfaces from time to time. Life didn’t seem to have a purpose anymore. Anything other than my brother didn’t seem to matter anymore to me. I started questioning God, the decisions I made in life, and why things are the way they are. I don’t want to document the process of grief and how I was feeling throughout, but in short, life wasn’t the same anymore. My partner of 4 years also left me a few months before this incident, and I started questioning if anything in life is actually permanent. I hadn’t felt so lonely and helpless in life, but like other things, this also taught me a lot. I learned to be rigid, focused, and responsible. I had to buckle up for the ride ahead in life, no matter how short or long it might be. I learned to stop looking at the past and focus on the present and what lies ahead in the future. I also learned to live life as if it’s my last day and be grateful for it.

I restarted music, started boxing classes, and started to put all my energy and time into working hard and getting healthy. I also realized that there is no point in living a victim’s life. I am not the victim; I shouldn’t be pitied. If at all, I should make sure this life doesn’t go to waste. There is so much to the world and life that I am yet to explore, and I’m going to do everything I can to live a fulfilling life—for both of us.

Looking forward, 2025 will be a year full of adventure, creativity, kindness, gratefulness, and learnings. I will release a note on goals and milestones for the next year in a different post.